Less of Me, More of Him

I have said it countless times before I am stubborn and a bit of a control freak.  I am working with God on that.  Sometimes it takes me literally being hit over the head to listen to what He is trying to tell me.  Over the past two weeks I am slowly being transformed, through people that have come into my life and by slowing down to be still and listen to what He has to say.  I have never felt so excited for what’s to come yet so calm – that’s faith.  I have been “saved “for over 3 years but have never had faith in my heart.  That faith has changed everything.

My perspective has switched.  My mindset set has changed from one of scarcity: never good enough, never training enough, never lean enough, not enough likes, not enough money.  To a mindset of abundance.  I have allowed God’s grace to let me off the hook to myself.  I have finally believed that I am deserving of it.  I am no longer trapped by the lies of never enough.  If I am not perfect its ok, no one is.  If the filter that I truly live my life is LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS it all becomes simple.

I no longer have to kill myself in the gym for two hours a day.  I believe it when my coach says one hour will do.  I realize that even though it is a good thing the gym and training became a distraction something I could control and be good at.  Something that defined me.  I realize now that my strength, body fat and performance in CrossFit does not define me HE does.  It has been so liberating.  I can enjoy my food and my workouts.  If I have a bad day at the gym it doesn’t make me question my purpose.  If I indulge in a good meal and do not count or measure I no longer tell myself I have failed.  I know that I am not “fixed” I just feel connected and focused.  I will meet God every day and ask for grace and strength to continue on the path He has for me.

In my career winning has always been important to me.  I had to be the best.  Work the hardest for the most hours.  Make the most money so I could and get all the attention and promotions available.  When I first started my training business it was about helping others.  That was my goal and I did it well.  Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that.  My fame became more important.  I continued to strive for my glory and burnt out quickly.  I lost passion.  I began to doubt my skills and qualifications.  Instead of looking within myself I blamed others.  Instead of praying I just worked harder.  Then I just spun my wheels and made myself busy.  Paralyzing myself with it.  This continued until just a couple of weeks ago.  Then an amazing woman spoke truth into my life and I heard the word ABUNDANCE over and over again.  My purpose mattered not for my own glory but for HIS.  I had no need to strive or prove myself I was already accepted and loved.  As long as I stay on the path He has for me He will produce fruit.  Will it be easy? NO.  Will I lose some things? Probably.  But what I have gained is so much more valuable.  I have gained PEACE.

 

I have not lost my work ethic but I no longer #hustle for myself.  I do my absolute best to live the life God has for me.  So that others see His greatness in me.  Jesus is my CrossFit coach, nutrition coach and business mentor.  If I stick to His program I know that I will achieve every goal He sets for me.  That is my confidence.