I have said it countless times before I am stubborn and a bit of a control freak. I am working with God on that. Sometimes it takes me literally being hit over the head to listen to what He is trying to tell me. Over the past two weeks I am slowly being transformed, through people that have come into my life and by slowing down to be still and listen to what He has to say. I have never felt so excited for what’s to come yet so calm – that’s faith. I have been “saved “for over 3 years but have never had faith in my heart. That faith has changed everything.
My perspective has switched. My mindset set has changed from one of scarcity: never good enough, never training enough, never lean enough, not enough likes, not enough money. To a mindset of abundance. I have allowed God’s grace to let me off the hook to myself. I have finally believed that I am deserving of it. I am no longer trapped by the lies of never enough. If I am not perfect its ok, no one is. If the filter that I truly live my life is LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS it all becomes simple.
I no longer have to kill myself in the gym for two hours a day. I believe it when my coach says one hour will do. I realize that even though it is a good thing the gym and training became a distraction something I could control and be good at. Something that defined me. I realize now that my strength, body fat and performance in CrossFit does not define me HE does. It has been so liberating. I can enjoy my food and my workouts. If I have a bad day at the gym it doesn’t make me question my purpose. If I indulge in a good meal and do not count or measure I no longer tell myself I have failed. I know that I am not “fixed” I just feel connected and focused. I will meet God every day and ask for grace and strength to continue on the path He has for me.
In my career winning has always been important to me. I had to be the best. Work the hardest for the most hours. Make the most money so I could and get all the attention and promotions available. When I first started my training business it was about helping others. That was my goal and I did it well. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that. My fame became more important. I continued to strive for my glory and burnt out quickly. I lost passion. I began to doubt my skills and qualifications. Instead of looking within myself I blamed others. Instead of praying I just worked harder. Then I just spun my wheels and made myself busy. Paralyzing myself with it. This continued until just a couple of weeks ago. Then an amazing woman spoke truth into my life and I heard the word ABUNDANCE over and over again. My purpose mattered not for my own glory but for HIS. I had no need to strive or prove myself I was already accepted and loved. As long as I stay on the path He has for me He will produce fruit. Will it be easy? NO. Will I lose some things? Probably. But what I have gained is so much more valuable. I have gained PEACE.
I have not lost my work ethic but I no longer #hustle for myself. I do my absolute best to live the life God has for me. So that others see His greatness in me. Jesus is my CrossFit coach, nutrition coach and business mentor. If I stick to His program I know that I will achieve every goal He sets for me. That is my confidence.