Strength in the face of pain or grief.

The ability to do something that frightens you

The ability to do something that you know is difficult or dangerous

Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear and difficulty.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith: be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love     1Corinthians 16:13

So it’s been a while, almost a month to be exact since my last post. I would love to say that I didn’t post because I was just too busy, that I was taking action and making things happen, that I was living life and had no time to post about it.

Sadly that is not the case. I was just afraid, defeated and I had given up.

I started this blog with the intention of using it to share my testimony, share my struggles with others, provide insight into how I try to live a healthy life and to give glory to God for it all. I was on fire, three post a week, words poured out of me I had so much to share and say. Scripture and prayer were fueling it all. Then something happened about a month in, doubt started to creep in. A voice in my head started whispering “no one is reading what you have to say” “no one cares” “why are you wasting your time”. I began to lose inspiration, check my stats immediately after each post and be disappointed. My writing began to suffer.   Words didn’t flow as easily. I decided one day that I needed to “re evaluate” my blog and just stopped.

I quit

I gave the enemy victory

January was filled with opportunities for me. New coaching job, growing nutrition business and the relaunch of my competiton prep business. All was going so well. I was busy. I was making money. But busy is my idol. I default to the things that I am good at; I am a good coach, I can motivate and inspire people to change their eating habits, I am good at transformations. So that is what I do. I immerse myself in the things I excel at so that everyday I can pat myself on the back and say “good job” so I can have something to show for all that I do, so that my pride and ego can be fed. During the past month I had this incredible feeling of being overwhelmed, with having no direction. With not know what to do with all of this opportunity. I began to feel pulled in 100 directions and not focused. I prayed for God to show m what I should focus on to give me wisdom to choose correctly. In all my busy I had forgotten something really important. I had forgotten God. I had pushed away my purpose because it was hard, didn’t show immediate results and did not satisfy my pride. I had made work more important, earning more important and succeeding by the worlds standards what mattered most.

It is funny how God works but I was having coffee with a friend yesterday when it all came to a head. We were just chatting about our businesses and she was sharing how she grew her business. She said something that clicked for me. It took her years to get to where she was today. For her she decided to treat it like it was her job not a hobby not something she did on the side but the thing that she did. She was consistent and persevered. She worked hard, got uncomfortable and did what it took to learn and get better. She stayed true to herself and to her passions even when only family was listening, and she did all this for YEARS before she got to where she was today.

Had I done the same? Was this purpose that I had been given something that I treated as a hobby? Something I didn’t really take seriously? Was I treating my purpose as my mission or as my side gig while I did real work? And if I did all of this why was I so confused as to why I was not successful? Did I have the courage to persevere no matter how hard it was and when I believed no one listened? Was I willing to do something that was not in MY plan but in His?

Was I really being courageous or just playing it safe?

Totally playing it safe

I had allowed fear and lack of faith to distract me. I had filled my days with the things that made me feel good right now instead of working towards the victory in the long term. I had put God at the bottom of the list and forgotten that everything I had came from him. I am so grateful for the Grace that God provides. I have heard and I am redirected.  I will view all of the blessing and opportunities that I am giving through the filter of my purpose.  I will pray that God gives me strength and courage to stay focused on what matters most.

So my word for 2016 is COURAGE. It will be my touchstone when I get scared, when I am tempted to do what is easy and comfortable instead of what is hard and scary. I am standing firm in faith and being strong. One month down 11 to go!!!