I have a lot to say…
Warning: This blog post will contain stream of conscience ramblings and may not make much sense. I ask for grace in advance.
To say that the last almost 4 months have been a whirlwind would be an incredible understatement.
So much has happened since June 21 of this year:
My marriage has ended
I lost my home and most of my belongings
I moved to NYC
I lost all my community, church and most of my clients
I became a single mom
This journey has been the hardest of my life. I am realizing so much about myself and not all of it was good. Through it all there have been some incredible people who have loved me, prayed for my daughter and I and supported me no matter how many times I texted them with more bad news or problems. My family welcomed us into their home with open arms no questions asked even after I had not spoken to them in months prior to the bottom falling out of my life.
I lost my job this week. It was mostly my fault. Mostly my pride. I took the job out of desperation and panic and knew it was not for me from day one. I tried to make the best of it but each day I thought about my life and I knew this job was not a part of it. I knew that this was not what I was suppose to be doing. This morning I woke up and realized that i have been living in a fantasy land. In my fantasy someone will magically call me with the job of my dreams, the schedule I want, making the perfect amount of money. Then all of my problems would be solved. I would be saved and everything would just go back to normal. I realized this morning that I already have that job. The business that I built 6 years ago Brick House Bodies was that job. I had walked away from it because I didn’t know how to make it fit in my new life, I did not have the strength to help anyone, I thought that now I had to get a “real job”. But my business had been successful, I had earned income from it (more income than I was making at the job I just lost) I had given up on my business because I could not see how I could change it to match my new life. Shoot I didnt even accept that I had a new life!
The minute that I realized that the thing I had been searching for, the answers that I was begging God for where right there, already created, I just had to reach out and seize it. I had to take a fresh look at my business, accept that it was not going to look like it did before and MAKE IT HAPPEN NOW. I had built it before now I had to do it again. Yes there was more at risk, I had to make it work, no more discounting it or treating it as a hobby I had to take myself and this opportunity seriously. I had to accept the gifts and passion had been given to help moms be healthy and free. Show them what is possible, not because I had all the answers but because God did. Brick House Bodies is not about me, its about HIM and all of you. The opportunities in my life are mine to identify and take advantage of. For the last almost 4 months I have been feeling sorry for myself, believing every lie that i told myself, doubting myself and doubting God. I falsely believed that I needed to do the “responsible thing” to rebuild my life. I insisted that God was silent when He was speaking loud and clear. In the months leading up to June 22 I had invested heavily in my business God was preparing me for this exact time. It is now the time for me to step up and make it happen.
I think a lot about the good that is meant to come of all of this and I firmly believe that my pride is the thing this was meant to destroy. I am opening my hand, surrendering it to God because it is He who controls it all. He will make this work. There is not rescue, just Jesus.
So if you want to know what this will look like all I can say is I don’t know.
But I can promise you that whatever I do it will be in service to you. My prayer is that this season creates a community of women who love each other, love God and lives free.
I encourage you to share your email with me so I can get to know you better and connect with you. You can also find me on instagram @tabithasierra_bhb.
Thanks in advance for sticking with me, the ride will be bumpy but I know its going to be fun!!