“It is all about perspective”

“Look on the bright side”

“Turn that frown upside down”

Everyone loves a good quote. Until about 3 weeks ago I would furiously highlight them in the books I was reading and take screen shots of them to post on social media.

But deep down they were just words to me. They sounded good, they struck a cord for a moment but just as quickly they were gone. I was never the type of person to post inspirational quotes all over the house. I was the one who inspired me.

Especially the quotes about perspective. I found those most interesting. How you could change things just by changing the way you think. I have had experience in this. Small things like getting stuck in traffic or waiting in line. Switching my perspective has saved me from a lot of frustration over small things. But 3 weeks ago my life changed completely. The home, job, church, friends and things that made up my life changed overnight.

So I had a choice. That thing they talk about in all those quotes. I could lay in bed with the covers over my head, I could cry constantly, I could be angry, spiteful and feel sorry for myself. For goodness sake I deserved it.  Or I could pray. Stand up and lift my head. Put one foot in front of the other and take action.

This I know for sure. Words matter, or more precisely the words that you fill yourself with matter.

My choice: would I fill myself with truth or lies. Would I believe what God says or what the world was telling me. MOST days I choose what God says

Do I have days where I cry? When I feel hopeless and helpless? When hate bubbles in my heart?

Where I think about all I have lost and I can feel the anger come over me with such force that I get nauseous? Absolutely.

That’s when those words matter even more. When this all happened a friend said something I will never forget

“Lean in”

3 weeks ago I would have said “amen” but had no idea what that meant. Now I know.

Everyday leaning in means I pick my perspective. Sometimes I choose to cry and sit for hours in shock, to spend too much time on instagram and worrying about what people think and money and tomorrow. But as the days go by leaning in looks more and more like getting dressed and playing with my little girl, getting dressed and go outside, reading my bible and writing in my journal. Watching a funny movie, eating a good meal, smiling and laughing.

I know it will get easier. The bright spots last longer and I don't stop myself as much in a happy moment to remember what life used to be.  Right now it’s still very raw and speaking about it out loud to people is so hard. So I will believe what God tells me instead: that until it get easier He will be with me, He who is always the same will love me and get me through.

That the plans He has for me are always good. That I will get through.

I believe in Him.

Why am I sharing this? I am sharing because it is the truth, it is real.  I never in my wildest nightmares thought my life would be this, but it is and hiding it or pretending that everything is ok all the time is not real.  My pride cannot save me.  My perfectionism cant either.  Only God can.  I never thought that was true until I leaned in and He brought me peace and hope.

The idea that I had of  God has moved from my head and penetrated my prideful heart. I am wrecked in the best kind of way and so grateful.

So I encourage you whatever it is that is hurting you, paralyzing you

Lean in