Well its been a week.
Running up against a lot of hard truths and big lessons. I truly believe that sometimes things blow up and we never want them to but sometimes they have to for something better to grow.
The biggest lesson I have learned so far (its been about a month) is that perfection is just not possible. Before all of this my expectation everyday was perfection. A "good day" to me was everything going as scheduled and on time. Workouts 5 days a week at the same time, eating: everything measured and prepped, school pick ups and quality "me time" needed to be just so, that means exactly 8 hours of sleep. If not I was just not someone you wanted to hang out with. I would get so frustrated when things did not go my way. I have never been a "go with the flow kind of woman.
Well things have definately changed. In the last month I have worked out a total of about 7 or 8 times. Some days I eat well and some days I survive on coffee and chips and salsa. I have meal prepped once and had to throw it all out cause I never ate it. I have had GLASSES of wine on a school night and I cannot remember the last night I got 6 hours of sleep let alone 8.
Did I explode? Did I gain 20 pounds? No and no. I have actually pretty much maintained my weight over the past month but I dont look as lean. I have bags under my eyes some days and my clothes are a little tighter. I have probably lost a little strength and "fitness" too. I am a little tired all the time and I have developed a sty under my left eyelid that just wont go away (sorry about the TMI) A hot mess? Some would think so but I say far from it! In the last month I have also been able to (well forced) figure out a lot of things that I just didnt have time to do before:
I have updated my website slowly overcoming my fear of technology which I realize was just a lack of patience and a bit of spoiled rotten.
I have learned that though I am not working out regularly now, all that working out I have done for so long has made my body strong and resilent. Lack of sleep, not perfect food choices and stress will effect me and my body can handled it in the short term
I can make big, life effecting decisions and be terrified while I am doing it. I have always relied on advice of others and my own smarts to get me through, both of which are not in large supply now That good enough is better than perfect almost all the time and the value of a sincere "i'm sorry" when you make a mistake (which I do everyday) will go a long way. Thank God for Jesus and grace.
That survival is not convient or easy and neither is success. You will always have to do things you don't want to do. You will always have to choose the narrow gate(Matthew 7:14), its less crowed for a reason.
I can live without a car, new clothes, Starbucks and all my "stuff". God, my daughter and my family (friends and by blood) are all irreplacable.
That NOTHING IS FOREVER. That life is made up of seasons. Some are awesome and fun and easy and some are scary and hard and awful. But every season has a purpose and life happens when you figure out what that purpose is and live it.