Get it Together

The conversation almost always starts the same way. It most often takes place at the end of the day, when I am tired and I have done something silly like forget to bring my daughter to gymnastics or realized that I have only shaved one leg in the shower that morning.

"I have to get it together"

Six words that hold so much power.  The power to condemn.  The power to feel defeated and less than.  Not one little bit of grace at all.  These six words have decided that I am a mess and I need to fix it and fix it now.  I need to write stuff down, pay attention, drink more coffee, do something to avoid these mess ups from happening again.  Mess ups are not acceptable or allowed.  In my world mess ups are a loss of control and a loss of control is a scary thing.  

So I search for something I can control.  For me that thing has always been my food and exercise.  If I was a hot mess of a mom well I can at least be a fit hot mess of a mom.  I will just focus harder on my nutrition.  Make sure I get to the gym and give it 150%.  I will focus more, be better and get it together.  Then everything will be ok.

The problem with this is that I am human.  I was created flawed (no matter how much I deny and fight this its true).  Perfection is impossible.  I will always mess up.  The circumstances and degrees of the mess ups will change but no matter how hard I try, how tight I hold on, how much MORE I do it will NEVER be perfect.

Grace 

The definition of grace is "unmerited favor" and for me it is the answer to the whirlwind that is created when I try to "get it together".  I am learning to laugh at my life, mess ups and all.  To take the good with the bad and to just give myself a break.  I remember that I am ok, no matter what and already forgiven.  The mess ups will not define me.  I am loved right now, with all my forgotten appointments and extra slices of pizza.  I rest in who I am, and who loves me.  God quietly reminds me that HE HAS GOT IT and I dont need to keep all the balls of my life in the air.  I realize that exercising and dieting harder will not get me closer to peace, only opening my grip and allowing Him to work in my life will. 

As I learn to let go of food and exercise as a way to feel in control I am developing a new relationship with food.  It has taken me years and I still have times I struggle.  I know that this is the root of so many womens struggle.  

I have been reading the book Full by Asheritah Ciuciu and in it she ask some really powerful questions, a big one being : 

What does your ideal relationship with food look like?

How would you eat?

What  would you feel?

How would you act?

I would love to hear your thoughts on these questions I encourage you to comment below and if you would like to join me in readying Full over the next two weeks you can email me:

tabitha@brickhousebodies.com

As always I am praying for each of you

 

My Summer Podcast List

I love to listen to podcasts!! They are the perfect background to my day.  I listen in the kitchen while I cook, the car while I run errands and while i fold laundry!  Podcast are a great way to listen and learn.  My tastes range from Crossfit to nutrition to lifestyle.  I also enjoy a good story and some of my favorite podcast are in the form of a serial program just like a tv show.

Since summer is here I wanted to share some of my favorite podcast.  I encourage you to check them out and explore the world of podcast.  Its a great way to get away from the tv and learn something new!!!

you can listen to podcast on your iphone using the podcast app that comes on your phone.  If you are an android user you can listen via the stitcher app or on your laptop or home computer via soundcloud.

 

Balances Bites

Mind Pump

The Shauna Niequist Podcast

You Must Remember This

Harder to Kill Radio

How I Built This (NPR)

Chasing Excellence

That Sounds Fun

Christy Wright's Business Boutique

Brute Strength Podcast

Girls Gon Wod

Pursuing Health with Julie Foucher

 

Happiness

Happy: Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.  Fortunate and convenient. Characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment or joy.

Happiness: the state of being happy.

It had been a long day and it was only 11am.  The morning was a blur of emails, dishes, bus drop off and unending text messages.  I was totally in over my head.  As I walked out of the bank (my last errand till my next appointment in an hour)  I looked up for the first time since I woke at 5am that morning.  The sun was high in the sky and shining.  It was pleasantly warm and there was a soft breeze.  I got into my car and rolled down my windows, I took a huge breath in and out, the air just smelled GOOD, Like spring, my heart skipped a beat.  I closed my eyes and said a simple prayer:

THANK YOU LORD

When I opened my eyes the heavy weight of the morning had vanished.  I felt excited and lighter.  All the things I had to do for the rest of the day dissappeared.  I turned up Lecrae and just started driving.  

That moment was happiness to me.  I am so grateful that God has helped me to pause and appreciate these little moments because for a very long time (and sometimes still) I struggle to find those moments.  For the better part of my life happiness had conditions:

1- I had to make 6 figures and have a position of power

2- I had to live in NYC, in the best apartment money could buy

3- I had to be a size 2 

4- I had to have all the fun and friends and places to go to

5- I had to have designer clothes

The list goes on and on.  I was exhausted just trying to keep track of it all.  In reality and upon reflection I was anything but happy.  In my 20's and half of my 30's I drank too much, did drugs, struggled with an eating disorder and could not maintain a stable relationship with anyone.  But to the world I had everything.   I kept telling myself if I kept working I would finally make enough money.  If I went on enough dates I would find the right person.  If I worked out long enough and dieted hard enough that I would finally be happy.  My happiness was dependant on the outcome of each of my days.  I had given over control of my happiness to my job, my apartment, my wardrobe and my pants size.  I focused only on the outcome of my efforts.  Getting what I needed mattered above all.  I stormed through my life like a bull in a china shop, never pausing for reflection or lessons.  Not caring what was broken on my way to the final destination - happiness.

I got really close.  But when I had those rare moments of quiet a feeling nagged at me.  I would get anxious and then get sad.  The feeling was so fleeting, it slipped away as quickly as it came.  It wasen't until I had thought all was lost:  When my husband was out of work and we had $100 in our bank account.  When we lived with my in-laws for 4 years while struggling to get on our feet.  When I prayed everytime I got in my old truck with 200,00 miles, a broken exhaust and questionable steering that I would just be able to make it to work cause we needed the money, and in so many other ways

That was when I realized, that was when I understood.  All of those things I had worked so hard for, the happiness I took pride in earning could be gone JUST. LIKE. THAT.  If I stayed where I was, if Gods grace and mercy and the holy spirit had not intervened I would have never been happy again.  I had nothing to be happy about, I had nothing.  

I learned that even tohugh I had nothing I learned how to entertain a 6 year old by spending $5 at the dollar store.  I realized that date night could be a cup of coffee at the diner and Target and Forever 21 have some great workout wear.  That family walks can be just as fun as a vacation and it is true God will always provide.  The feeling of happy did not cause anxiety or quickly fade.  It was there just waiting for me to embrace it.

So if you are struggling with happiness I understand.  I know exactly what you are feeling.  I challenge you to take a moment look around and take a deep breath.  Ask yourself if you are working for happiness or just opening your eyes and seeing it for the first time.  Are you chasing the moments or building a life dependant on a peace and joy that is unchanging.  Happiness cannot be bought or worked for it is given by God, freely and with grace.

 

 

 

 

Why the Scale is Stupid

It happens to me at least once a week.  I feel fantastic.  I had a great day, get a lot accomplished, workout feels awesome and my hair has cooperated.  All is right with the world, my nutrition was on point and I had a great afternoon with my daughter.  I got 2 text messages from my clients saying what great results they were getting and how their life was changing for the better.  My bank account is healthy and so am I and my family.  

Then it happens. I wake up and head to the bathroom.  I get on the scale, take a deep breath and look down.  My heart sinks, I have gained 2 lbs.  And just like that all of the amazing accomplishments and victories of the previous 24 hours are forgotten.  I am a failure, fat and like I always knew not good enough.  Why do I even try, I just stink.

What the hey!!! How did 32 ounces get so much power? How did 2 pounds confirm all of the bad and make me forget all of the good? Why did I allow my weigh against the gravity of the earth DEFINE me?

I know I am not alone.  I have experienced this so many times with countless women.  They start their journey and they say that the weight on the scale does not matter.  That their why matters so much more.  They start eating healthy and exercising consistenly.  They start performing better at the gym, start sleeping better and having more energy.  When they check in they have lost a ton of inches and their clothes are fitting better.  Then they get on the scale and all of that is forgotten.  Its like none of it even happened.  They are deflated and disappointed.  They focus solely on that number and nothing else.

I think that there are many reasons this happens.  Maybe as women we remember a happy time in our life when we felt successful and at that time we were a certain weight.  So we are constantly trying to get back to that weight with the hope that the happiness we found at that time will return.  Maybe we were that weight before our kids and we want to get back to that time of freedom.  Maybe it was when we first got married when life seemed so simple and romantic.

The reality is that as humans we age.  Life happens.  And that is an awesome thing.  As we age and have kids our bodies change.  Our hormones change, the abilities that our bodies had at 20 are not the same now that we are 40.  Yes we can hold off aging with nutrition and exercise, sleep and stress reduction but even the healthiest 45 year old is different than a 25 year old and that is fantastic!!

Just like wine we mature and improve over time.  I often say I wish I had my 45 year old brain and a 25 year old body I would be unstoppable!  But I like being 45, I know stuff and I have experienced so much and I am still here.  I have grown a human in my body and birthed her, and I am still here.  I have dealt with ups and downs, joys and dissapointments, you can see them in my smile lines and wrinkes by my eyes.  And the same is true for each and every one of you.  Our tummys may stick out more than they did in high school but I am sure that you would not give up your kids for a six pack.  You may weigh 5, 10 or even 20 pounds more that you did in college but would you give up the life you have lived to lose that weight? 

I constantly have to remind myself that the number on the scale is not who I am.  I am a wife to Adam, mom to Sierra, a daughter of God, a sister and friend.  I am all of those things first before I am an athlete, coach or nutritionist.  I am all those things and not the number the scale says.  I remind myself that my focus and effort should be put into relationships in my life, experiences I have and not the scale.  I remeind myself that when I die what I weigh will not matter.  I dont want to regret anything especially missing anything because all I worried about was getting to 125lbs.

 I have my days when I forget.  When I focus on what doesnt matter.  When I believe the lies in my head and doubt myself and my greatness.  Then I pause, pray and remember who I am.  I am made for so much more than what the scale tells me.  I am made to be a mom, wife and Jesus girl and all those things have nothing to do with the number on the scale.

 

Take Back Your Time Week Two: Build Your Tribe

I was never into sports as a child.  I didn't start working out till I was 30 years old!!

My sister and I are also 6 years apart so for the first years of my life I was an only child. As a result I have struggled with playing well with others.  Don't get me wrong it is not that I dont like others I love people, and the older I get the more I appreciate my friends.

When I started on my fitness journey I did it the way I was used to  - on my own.  I had a personal trainer and me.  No group exercise classes no gym buddies.  When I got lonely or bored I added another session with my trainer.  But as those first months went on that became a little expensive!! Then I started body building a sport that is notoriously solitary.  Hours on the treadmill and hitting the weights by myself.

Once I found crossfit it was like a whole new world!! The community came first.  I remember my first crossfit competition and being in awe that the person who finished last got the loudest cheers.  The members of the gym where like family.  They went out socially together they shared their lives.  I truly believe that this community was the reason that I have stayed with Crossfit for the last 4 years.  

So how do you create your tribe?  How if you are just starting to fitness journey to you find people who have the same goals you do?  Well happy you asked! Here are my tips in creating a tribe that make you better:

1- You have to put yourself out there:  This is the hardest thing to do! It means steping out of your comfort zone and doing something scary.  It means saying high to a total stranger in your spin class, showing up at a race and knowing no one.  yes it could go horribly wrong but it quite possibly will go right and you will have a new friend!!

2- Dont take the judgement of those in your current tribe that do not support you: Another tough one.  As humans we are programed to want to be likes and belong and it is really hard when people who we have know forever (sometimes even family) are not supportive of our goals.  Or worse are judgemental about them!  The best way to handle this judgement is to realize the IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.  More often than not their judgement is a reflection of their own inability to do what you are doing, and you know that saying "misery loves company"...  Its best to love and release those people.  It does not mean that you can never spend time with them again but before you do realize that you cannot change them and love them where they are.

3- Join an online community or training group:  This one is my favorite.  Yes technology seperates us from real relationships but it also is a good first step when you want to find like minded people.  A good place to start? THe Brick House Bodies Fit Inside Out facebook community!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/587779278066170/

Perfect place to meet other like minded women, stay motivated and get great inspiration for meals and just to get through the day!!

But there are dozens of groups on social media it just takes a little research to find the one thats right for you.

God never meant for us to live our lives alone.  As His creation were were made for community.  Building a tribe can be life changing but the change has to start with you.

 

 

3 Ways to Create a NEW Habit

Something funny happened the other morning.  My routine is pretty much the same every day.  I put my daughter on the bus and then head right over to the gym.  A couple of mornings ago like always I dropped my little one off, jumped in my car and 7 minutes later I was pulling into the parking lot of my gym.  The only problem was that I was expected somewhere else!!! My habit took over and without me even thinking it took me down a path I had always followed. Well I made my appointment (though about 7 minutes late lol) and it got me thinking about habits and how powerful they are.

According to Webster’s dictionary HABIT is defined as:

A behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or performance. An acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.

So many times we hear that we have to “break our bad habits.” That may seem overwhelming.  Eat right, exercise every day.  If you have every tried to quit smoking (I have) you realize that it is not as easy as just stopping.  I want to provide you with a different approach.  Instead of trying to break a bad habit shift the perspective and create a new one.  A habit that better serves your goals.  So here are the three way that I teach my clients how to create new habits.

1-Stop and think. Why did I wind up in my gym parking lot instead of my appointment?  I did not stop and think about what I had to do.  This is the first step in creating a new habit. Habit is involuntary and happens without thinking.  But if we stop for just a moment and think about what we are doing and ask the question “does this serve my goals?"it will cause us to delay the action.  For example, if you always have desert after you eat, once you are done with dinner stop for 5 minutes before you reach for the sweet treat.  Are you still hungry? Will eating this cake serve your goals.

2-Make a better choice. This is the most important step.  Creating new habits about making better choices.  We never give ourselves the time to consider a different choice (see point #1).  In that pause we can make a decision and base what we do next on that decision.  Using the same desert example.  We have decided that we are not hungry so our habit of eating a sweet after dinner does not make sense, we now have a choice.  Some examples of better choice based on some common goals:

If getting healthy is a goal I could decide to have a cup of berries instead of a slice of cake.  Both are sweet but the berries are a better choice.

If getting closer to my family and spending more quality time is a goal I could go for an after dinner walk with my family.  Or I could call a friend.

If growing my relationship with God is a goal I could say a prayer, read my bible or a short devotional

All of these choices serve my goal. Remember your goal and make a better choice.

3-Repeat: Remember habit is created by frequent repetition. If you want these new habits to stick you have to do them over and over again.  Your habit of eating a sweet after dinner may have started in childhood.  It took decades to develop!! You are not going to creating a new one by doing it once or even 5 times.  That’s where people disconnect.  In this age of immediate gratification, we give up when we don’t get the result we want immediately.  Human default is ease and comfort above all else.  When it gets hard and we feel like it would be so much easier if we just ate the darn cake!!!

That’s where the enemy waits whispering in our ear that you deserve that cake.  One slice won’t hurt.   You can worry about getting healthy tomorrow.  All lies to keep us right where we are struggling, frustrated and thinking we are never going to get this healthy living right.

Ladies please be strong!! Remember who you are!! A daughter of a king and not weak!!  Take these tips into your heart.  Take a moment, make a better choice and repeat.  I want to hear about the new habits that you are going to create and what better choices you are going to make.  Please leave a comment and share with me.

Less of Me, More of Him

I have said it countless times before I am stubborn and a bit of a control freak.  I am working with God on that.  Sometimes it takes me literally being hit over the head to listen to what He is trying to tell me.  Over the past two weeks I am slowly being transformed, through people that have come into my life and by slowing down to be still and listen to what He has to say.  I have never felt so excited for what’s to come yet so calm – that’s faith.  I have been “saved “for over 3 years but have never had faith in my heart.  That faith has changed everything.

My perspective has switched.  My mindset set has changed from one of scarcity: never good enough, never training enough, never lean enough, not enough likes, not enough money.  To a mindset of abundance.  I have allowed God’s grace to let me off the hook to myself.  I have finally believed that I am deserving of it.  I am no longer trapped by the lies of never enough.  If I am not perfect its ok, no one is.  If the filter that I truly live my life is LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS it all becomes simple.

I no longer have to kill myself in the gym for two hours a day.  I believe it when my coach says one hour will do.  I realize that even though it is a good thing the gym and training became a distraction something I could control and be good at.  Something that defined me.  I realize now that my strength, body fat and performance in CrossFit does not define me HE does.  It has been so liberating.  I can enjoy my food and my workouts.  If I have a bad day at the gym it doesn’t make me question my purpose.  If I indulge in a good meal and do not count or measure I no longer tell myself I have failed.  I know that I am not “fixed” I just feel connected and focused.  I will meet God every day and ask for grace and strength to continue on the path He has for me.

In my career winning has always been important to me.  I had to be the best.  Work the hardest for the most hours.  Make the most money so I could and get all the attention and promotions available.  When I first started my training business it was about helping others.  That was my goal and I did it well.  Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that.  My fame became more important.  I continued to strive for my glory and burnt out quickly.  I lost passion.  I began to doubt my skills and qualifications.  Instead of looking within myself I blamed others.  Instead of praying I just worked harder.  Then I just spun my wheels and made myself busy.  Paralyzing myself with it.  This continued until just a couple of weeks ago.  Then an amazing woman spoke truth into my life and I heard the word ABUNDANCE over and over again.  My purpose mattered not for my own glory but for HIS.  I had no need to strive or prove myself I was already accepted and loved.  As long as I stay on the path He has for me He will produce fruit.  Will it be easy? NO.  Will I lose some things? Probably.  But what I have gained is so much more valuable.  I have gained PEACE.

 

I have not lost my work ethic but I no longer #hustle for myself.  I do my absolute best to live the life God has for me.  So that others see His greatness in me.  Jesus is my CrossFit coach, nutrition coach and business mentor.  If I stick to His program I know that I will achieve every goal He sets for me.  That is my confidence.

All or Nothing

I have said this before I’m an all or nothing woman.  This is in all parts of my life.  I work hard, rest hard, love hard.  It’s the way I have been since I can remember.  I believed it has served me well for the past 45 years.  I have been successful, I have a great husband, I have a great daughter, I have my own business.  Notice the I’s: for my entire life I have run the show.  It has been me and my hard work that has gotten me where I am.

I did a Crossfit competition a couple of week ago and it was hard, really hard.  5 workouts (when there are usually 3) tough competition and my partner and I pushed.  We did well 2nd place, I was really happy with that.  But it took me 7 days to recover from this competition.  I felt like I had been hit by a bus.  My nervous system was shot, my workouts were crap and I was useless to my family. Through it all the word that kept repeating over and over in my head was WHY.  Why do I push this hard, why am I working out for as long as I do each day?  Why do I want to be this supreme Crossfitter?  Why do I care so much?

I came up with a couple of things:

  • I honestly do not know what I would do with myself if I didn’t have the goal of training hard to be a competitive Crossfitter. Who would I be?  I am good at Crossfit people know me for that.  And if I was really honest with myself I know exactly what I need to be doing instead of working out 2 hours a day and I am using Crossfit as a controllable distraction.  Something I can be sure of the outcome of because what God wants me to do is not as clear and straight forward as a 12 min workout.  The purpose he has for me cannot be improved upon in a 12 week training cycle and I won’t be able to know if I did well until I am with Him and He calls me his faithful servant.  No immediate gratification, no podiums.
  • I am afraid that my body will go to crap.  And I am pissed that I care so much.  Again there is no need for me to be 12% body fat.  It’s great but my body fat being that low and me being this muscular is really not necessary.  I can be fit.  I can be healthy.  My appearance is what I am know for, without it who would I be?  What would people think?  Again the all or nothing attitude.  I can’t just be fit I have to be the fittest.  I have forgotten who I am.  Who I am has absolutely nothing to do with my weight or body fat.  Who I am is who God says I am.  No where in the bible does it say I need to be super lean muscular to lead people to Him.  I know what you are may be thinking: it is good to be the best that you can be and I agree but it is NOT good to worship that ideal.  To make it an idol, to define myself by it.

These truths were hard to realize and harder to admit.  Now that I know all of this what do I do with it?  That is still a work in progress.  I am praying A LOT.  Asking for guidance and courage to let go of this need to control and distract myself.  Asking for faith and trust to wait on God’s plan and not to rush ahead on my own.  I am terrified of what the future holds.  Not because I believe it will be bad but because sometimes I don’t feel worthy enough for how good its going to be.

My biggest fear is that I will be average.  What I have forgotten is that I can never be average!!! That fear is a lie.

But instead of starting from a place of average, I must remember what God says I am and that is far from average and that is without doing a thing!

 

Update:

So it is 3 weeks after the competition and I am feeling a lot better physically.  This is giving me a lot of clarity mentally.  I am so grateful for this experience.  It has been a perspective and reality check for me.  It has woken me up to what matters most, what Gods plan is for me and challenged my faith.

What am I doing now? I am working out 5 days a week.  If I am tired I ease off.  If I feel good I push.  As for my nutrition I have not been tracking much at all for the last three weeks.  I am back to tracking with some adjustments and it feels good.  If I start to feel anxious about it I will stop. If I start to think about it too much I will stop.  The key for me is to constantly keep connected and honest about how I feel.  To trust that feeling I get inside when something needs to change.  Allow it to guide my decisions and not get in its way.