All or Nothing

I have said this before I’m an all or nothing woman.  This is in all parts of my life.  I work hard, rest hard, love hard.  It’s the way I have been since I can remember.  I believed it has served me well for the past 45 years.  I have been successful, I have a great husband, I have a great daughter, I have my own business.  Notice the I’s: for my entire life I have run the show.  It has been me and my hard work that has gotten me where I am.

I did a Crossfit competition a couple of week ago and it was hard, really hard.  5 workouts (when there are usually 3) tough competition and my partner and I pushed.  We did well 2nd place, I was really happy with that.  But it took me 7 days to recover from this competition.  I felt like I had been hit by a bus.  My nervous system was shot, my workouts were crap and I was useless to my family. Through it all the word that kept repeating over and over in my head was WHY.  Why do I push this hard, why am I working out for as long as I do each day?  Why do I want to be this supreme Crossfitter?  Why do I care so much?

I came up with a couple of things:

  • I honestly do not know what I would do with myself if I didn’t have the goal of training hard to be a competitive Crossfitter. Who would I be?  I am good at Crossfit people know me for that.  And if I was really honest with myself I know exactly what I need to be doing instead of working out 2 hours a day and I am using Crossfit as a controllable distraction.  Something I can be sure of the outcome of because what God wants me to do is not as clear and straight forward as a 12 min workout.  The purpose he has for me cannot be improved upon in a 12 week training cycle and I won’t be able to know if I did well until I am with Him and He calls me his faithful servant.  No immediate gratification, no podiums.
  • I am afraid that my body will go to crap.  And I am pissed that I care so much.  Again there is no need for me to be 12% body fat.  It’s great but my body fat being that low and me being this muscular is really not necessary.  I can be fit.  I can be healthy.  My appearance is what I am know for, without it who would I be?  What would people think?  Again the all or nothing attitude.  I can’t just be fit I have to be the fittest.  I have forgotten who I am.  Who I am has absolutely nothing to do with my weight or body fat.  Who I am is who God says I am.  No where in the bible does it say I need to be super lean muscular to lead people to Him.  I know what you are may be thinking: it is good to be the best that you can be and I agree but it is NOT good to worship that ideal.  To make it an idol, to define myself by it.

These truths were hard to realize and harder to admit.  Now that I know all of this what do I do with it?  That is still a work in progress.  I am praying A LOT.  Asking for guidance and courage to let go of this need to control and distract myself.  Asking for faith and trust to wait on God’s plan and not to rush ahead on my own.  I am terrified of what the future holds.  Not because I believe it will be bad but because sometimes I don’t feel worthy enough for how good its going to be.

My biggest fear is that I will be average.  What I have forgotten is that I can never be average!!! That fear is a lie.

But instead of starting from a place of average, I must remember what God says I am and that is far from average and that is without doing a thing!



So it is 3 weeks after the competition and I am feeling a lot better physically.  This is giving me a lot of clarity mentally.  I am so grateful for this experience.  It has been a perspective and reality check for me.  It has woken me up to what matters most, what Gods plan is for me and challenged my faith.

What am I doing now? I am working out 5 days a week.  If I am tired I ease off.  If I feel good I push.  As for my nutrition I have not been tracking much at all for the last three weeks.  I am back to tracking with some adjustments and it feels good.  If I start to feel anxious about it I will stop. If I start to think about it too much I will stop.  The key for me is to constantly keep connected and honest about how I feel.  To trust that feeling I get inside when something needs to change.  Allow it to guide my decisions and not get in its way.

Why Food Matters

As a Crossfit coach I am inspired everyday watching the members do things that they have never done before. They lift heavier weight, run farther and faster and get stronger everyday!!!

Exercise and moving your body is wonderful. It changes lives and for many it leads to improvements in all parts of their lives. Their relationships their energy levels and the way they eat.

But for some getting on the right track with food and improving their eating habits is a struggle. That’s where I come in, lol. Here are my 5 reasons why food matters:

  • The saying “food is fuel” is true. Many people have lost the connecting between what they eat and how they feel. The body is an amazing thing. Its goal is to continue to function. This means that it gets used to anything and will continue to function … until it doesn’t. If you are eating fast food, drinking too much or just not eating enough you may feel “fine” but that does not mean that your body is at its best. Fine is not great. Why be mediocre when you could be great. I hear it all the time from clients, “I didn’t realize how tired, sick I was until I started eating right”. What you put in you get out
  • You can’t out exercise poor nutrition. Many times people will exercise for hours to “earn” a cheat meal or to “work off” some choices. Neither will work in the long run. This sets you up to view food as something you need to earn or work for, neither of which is healthy. Food is wonderful and has no moral value; it should not have guilt attached to it. You feel guilty when you lie or steal not when you eat.
  • Real food is cheaper. I challenge you to calculate the amount of money that you spend on eating out for a week. This includes coffee, drinks and lunch and dinners out. I can pretty much guarantee that it will be more than buying fruits and veggies at the supermarket for a week. Eating out is not bad in moderation but eating out more than you eat at home starts to add up.
  • Food services are an incredible option: Many of my clients want to eat real food and stop eating out so much but they just don’t have times to cook. Food prepping at home will always be cheaper but if your lifestyle just does not allow the time there are a ton of really good food prep services out there. They can accommodate any diet restrictions and most of the good ones use organic sources.
  • You will teach your family good habits that last a lifetime: So many moms underestimate the influence that they have on the habits of their families. We are the gatekeepers of what our family eats. If we present them with different choices and show them by example how exciting and delicious home cooked meals can be it can change their health and how they view food for the rest of their lives.

So make a commitment to change the way you eat even if it is for one week. Maybe eat out twice instead of 5 times. Maybe cook dinner for your family over the weekend if you always order take out. Maybe do some research on food delivery services. Try to make one small change. When you do I want o hear about it.

It will be different and different is hard but it’s the hard that makes us better.

I would rather have a better life than an easy one.